I Didn't Know
by underscorekate
Summary: Sam and Sebastian are best friends. They tell each other everything, well, almost everything. But when Abigail breaks up with Sebastian, he's faced with a new set of problems. Mainly, why does Sam suddenly make him feel different?
1. Ch. 1

Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck.

Fuck.

"Are you okay?" Sam glared at me, raising an eyebrow.

"Uh, yeah, I'm fine," I responded, looking at my feet.

"Okay well you're playing like trash," he said, laughing through his words.

We were at band practice in Sam's room. Well, we would be, if Abigail were here. But she'd been sick for the past few days. So we were mostly just fucking around.

"Thanks, fucker," I responded, laughing. I set down my guitar and took a seat on his bed.

Fuck.

I didn't know what was going on with me. But something changed with Sam the past few weeks. He looked... different. He looked... I don't know. He looked good, that's all.

Fuck.

That wasn't all. I hadn't felt the way I felt about Sam since I was with Abby. And even then, things weren't as... vivid. With Abby I was warm and content. With Sam I feel like I'm on fire.

Sam threw a drumstick on the ground and it rolled near my feet. I picked it up and threw it back at him, laughing through my teeth.

"Hey!" He exclaimed, ducking his head while the stick hit a bookcase behind him.

"So when do you think Abby will be back?" I asked.

"Why? Miss her?" He teased, making a kissing face.

"Shut the fuck up, man," I rolled my eyes, "I was just asking."

"I don't know, I'll text her," he responded, pulling out his phone. There was a pause while I waited for him to finish.

"Why'd you two break up anyway?" He asked, shoving his phone back into his pocket.

I audibly groaned, "I already told you," I said, falling back onto his bed.

"You called her a bitch, didn't come to practice for weeks, and now you avoid her. That's not an explanation," he explained, still sitting at his drums.

"I wasn't lying, she IS a bitch," I responded.

She was, but that wasn't the reason we broke up. She was the only one who knew I was bisexual, which, I think is alarming considering how I dress, but whatever. She asked me if I had ever been with another guy, I said no, she told me she didn't want to hold me back. She wanted me to experience life. But a week later she was with someone from Zuzu city. So I don't think the breakup was really about me.

"Come on, Seb," Sam responded, slightly annoyed.

"She uh," I paused, sitting back up from the bed, "She's dating someone from the city," I responded.

"Oh that fuckin' sucks," he responded, softening his tone.

I let out a long sigh before mumbling, "yeah."

Sam's phone went off. "Oh, that's her," he said, pulling out his phone again, "She said she's not coming back for another week. So it's just you and me," he said, smiling.

"We're aren't gonna get shit done," I said, laughing.

"Probably not," he said, laughing with me, "Where'd that stick go?" He mumbled to himself as he got up and started to pace around his room.

I'd known for a while that I liked guys, but I had never looked at Sam that way in the past. But everyone says when you're gay you're bound to fall in love with your best friend, I guess they weren't wrong.

"You know what we should do?" He asked, snapping me out of my head.

"What?"

He walked towards me and crouched down to reach for something under the bed. He pulled out a six pack of beer and held it up.

"Heyyyy," I responded, reaching towards it and pulling out a single can, "Where'd you get it?" I asked.

"Shane, who else?" He responded, laughing.

"Fuckin' dope," I said, cracking the pop top.

Sam sat next to me on the bed and did the same.

"Do you know what you're gonna do this Fall?" He asked, shifting his position so he was sitting cross-legged.

I took a long sip of the beer and shrugged my shoulders, "Not really. My parents don't expect much because of how much of a damn genius Maru is."

I wasn't wrong. Mom barely even asks about school anymore. I was planning on going to the community college half an hour away but withdrew my application a day before the submission date. I couldn't bring myself to go.

There was a pause before I returned the question, "What about you? Any scholarships yet?"

He laughed and looked down at his can, "No. I have a game tomorrow though, and I hear a scout from Zuzu State will be there. So maybe I'll get lucky," he took a sip.

I'd only been to a few of his soccer games, mostly because Abby made me go. They never really interested me before.

"Mind if I come?" I asked, avoiding eye contact. I knew he wouldn't mind, why would he? But it still made me nervous to ask.

He snorted and his eyes shot up at me, "You? You want to come to a soccer game?"

"YOUR soccer game, not just 'a soccer game' stupid," I responded, lightly punching his arm.

"Yeah, whatever man, you can come," he said, shaking his head before chugging the rest of his beer. He crushed it with his fist and tossed it into the trash can next to his bed.

"Pass me another?" He asked, gesturing at the cans on the floor beside me. I pulled one out of the plastic rings and passed it over. Our finger tips touched and I felt my face get hot immediately. He didn't seem to notice, as he took out his phone and began scrolling through it.

I let the pause in conversation linger for a bit before I said, "I withdrew my application from Roseville."

"What?" His eyebrows scrunched together at the news, "Why?" He asked, still somewhat glancing down at his phone.

"I don't know, I just didn't want to be trapped here. I just want to get a place in the city or something. Everyone goes to Roseville. I don't want to be like fucking Penny," I said, disgusted.

"If you went, you could be fucking Penny," he retorted, laughing at his own joke.

"Ha-ha," I mocked, rolling my eyes, "She's not my type," I finished.

"Why not?" Sam asked, "She's hot."

"Not into the teacher type," I responded, slightly taken aback. I didn't know Sam thought anything of Penny.

"Suit yourself," he said, shrugging his shoulders.

I finished my beer and tossed it into the trash can. I laid back onto the bed and looked up at his ceiling.

"Not gonna have another?" He asked, his face glowing from the phone screen.

"Nah. Robin's waiting up for me," I responded.

"You're not staying over?" He asked, looking up from his phone. I felt my heart beat through my chest at the question.

"I wasn't planning on it," I said. Truthfully I don't think I could get any sleep with him being so close. Even if I slept on an air mattress on the other side of the room.

"Soccer game's at 9am. Away game," he said, raising his eyebrows.

I audibly groaned.

"Hey, you were the one who said you wanted to come," he responded, chuckling.

"I know, I do," I said, exasperated.

Sam got up and walked to his dresser. He pulled open the top drawer and threw me a pair of sweatpants and a t shirt I'd left here a few weeks back.

"Hey, I've been looking for this!" I exclaimed as I caught the wad of clothes flying my way.

Sam snorted, "It looks the same as every other black shirt you own," he remarked. He had a point.

Sam slipped off his jacket and let it hit the ground. I watched as he kicked it into the corner of his room. We'd changed in front of each other plenty of times before, but this time was different. This time, I was paying attention. He undid his belt and tossed it on top of the pile he'd started with the jacket. He stepped out of his jeans and I caught my breath, before clearing my throat in an attempt to cover up the noise.

"Need water?" He asked, his back still turned.

"Uh, no, just gonna have another beer since I'm staying," I studdered.

He slipped on a pair of athletic shorts, "I'm gonna grab the air mattress," he said before exiting the room.

While he was gone, I changed into the sweats and t shirt. I whipped out my phone and texted Robin to let her know where I was. While I was waiting for Sam to reappear, I unhooked another beer from the plastic and opened it before taking a sip.

Suddenly there was a loud thud before I heard Sam mumble, "fuck."

I exited the room to find Sam on the ground with the air mattress partially unfolded underneath him.

I chuckled before asking, "What the hell happened?" I extended my hand out to help him up.

"I tripped," he muttered, his cheeks flushed. He grabbed my hand, losing his balance halfway up, instead pulling me down with him.

"Fuckin' shit," I mumbled, crashing onto the floor.

"Sorry," he said, chuckling. I started laughing with him, collecting myself and rolling off of the air mattress. He did the same and stood up. He reached out his hand and I grabbed it, hoisting myself up.

He grabbed the mattress and drug it into his room as I followed. He plopped it down next to his bed, still half deflated.

"Do you have the pump?" I asked, unfolding it.

"Uh, yeah," he said before exiting the room and returning with it. He handed it to me as I attached it to the mattress. I sat on the ground, drinking my beer as I watched it inflate.

"Be right back," Sam mumbled as he exited the room again. My eyes wandered as I waited for him to get back. I saw that he'd left his phone on the bed, unlocked. I stood up and walked closer out of curiosity.

"Tinder?" I whispered to myself, confused at the white screen with orange flame. He'd never really struck me as someone to use tinder. But I guess our options are pretty fucking limited here. As I started to walk away I noticed a notification pop up that read, 'new tinder message from: Stephen'

I did a double take, "Stephen?" I whispered. There's no way that's a girl's name. Did Sam like guys too? Before I could think about it anymore, he came back into the room. I swiftly walked away from the bed and sat back down on the floor.

"Is it working?" He asked, keeping his eyes down.

"Yeah, it's done," I responded, unhooking the motor from the air mattress. I slid it away from the bed and reached for my phone. New message from Mom giving the okay to stay at Sam's.

"I'm gonna grab a blanket from the hall closet," I said, getting up and exiting the room. I opened the closet door and grabbed a blue blanket with soccer balls all over it. I chuckled and walked back into the room, holding it up on display.

"Cute, Sam," I said.

He glanced up and rolled his eyes, "Shut up, my dad mailed it to me." I instantly felt bad for saying anything. His dad still hadn't returned from the war and I knew Sam was worried he might never.

"Oh, sorry," I mumbled, switching off the lights and walking back to my mattress.

"It's fine, I'm just glad he's alive," he responded in a somber tone. He locked his phone and setting it on his bedside table. He grabbed a remote and aimed it at the tiny TV in the corner of his room. It flickered awake and began playing a re-run basketball game.

I laid down on the matress and glared at the TV. I wanted to say something to comfort him about his dad, but I'd never known anybody to fight in a war. My dad skipped out just because he wanted to, I guess.

"You think he's coming back soon?" I asked, staring at the ceiling.

"I don't know," he mumbled, "I've lived so much of my life without him at this point. I don't really think of him as a father anymore. He's just some guy that sends me soccer ball blankets," he snorted.

"At least he cares," I said, thinking of my own dad.

There was a long pause.

He sighed, "I'm sorry, man," he mumbled, barely audible.

I closed my eyes and listened to the TV on in the background. My head was swimming with what had happened tonight. I couldn't get the idea of who Stephen was out of my head. Maybe Abby would know? She's the only one who knows about me, after all. I pulled out my phone and opened up my messages.

'Hey. I know this is random but I have a question about Sam,' I typed. I hoped she'd still be awake. A few minutes went by before she responded.

'You wanna talk about Sam at 11:56pm?,' she wrote. I rolled my eyes.

'Does he like dudes?,' I typed. I let it sit there for a while, as I stared at the question. I couldn't send that. I deleted it and started over, 'Did you know he uses tinder?' I typed.

'Lots of people do,' she responded. I sighed. This wasn't going anywhere.

'Nevermind,' I sent, remembering why I don't talk to her anymore.

I locked my phone and set it on the ground beside me.

"Goodnight," I mumbled, shifting my body away from the TV.

"Night," he responded, "I'll wake you up in the morning for my game."


	2. Ch. 2

The next morning I was awoken by Sam hurling a soccer ball at my body.

"Wake up, fucker," he muttered.

I lazily opened my eyes to him, shirtless, pacing around the room. I rubbed my eyes and lazily sat up, drinking in the view.

"What time is it?" I asked, reaching for my phone.

"Time for the game, and if we're late I'm gonna kill you," he responded, sliding on his jersey.

"Do I have time to go home and change?" I asked, rubbing my eyes.

He paused and glanced at the clock on his bedside table.

"You're cutting it close, dude" he mumbled, before taking a seat on his bed. He reached down for his tennis shoes and started slipping them on.

"I'll give you a ride on my motorcycle if you let me," I bribed. He'd been bothering me for a while about the motorcycle, and I never thought it was safe enough. But I'd taken it on a few test rides since he last asked and everything seemed fine.

His head snapped up, "Really?" He asked, unsure.

"Yeah, sure," I answered with a smile before standing up and sliding on my Converse.

He hesitated for a beat before jumping up from the bed, "Deal," he said, walking out of the room. I followed and waited for him at the front door while he went into the kitchen.

"Sebastian's taking me on his motorcycle so I'll meet you guys there," he explained before grabbing a granola bar from the pantry.

"Okay, just be safe!" Jodi called out as Sam exited the kitchen and swiftly walked to the front door.

"Alright let's go," he said before opening the front door and gesturing for me to follow him.

As we started walking to my house, I thought about what I found on his phone last night. It almost didn't feel real, he never struck me as someone who come be interested in guys. Although I guess that's just me playing into stereotypes. I wanted to bring it up, but I couldn't figure out how. I just didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable. He was my best friend above anything, and I didn't need to get my hopes up that anything could happen between us.

Come to think of it, Sam hadn't dated anyone from Pelican Town in the 4 years I've known him. We met in 8th grade when he moved here for his Dad. Kent was deployed a few short months later and had remained a distant memory ever since.

When it was all layed out in front of me, I felt bad for him. He hadn't experienced life in the way that most 18 year olds do. No dad, no girlfriend (or boyfriend), no freedom from a town of under 100 people.

I started to feel gross about it. Like my chest was tightening around my lungs until I had to say something just to keep breathing.

"Hey, uh, I'm sorry for bringing up your dad last night," I mumbled, shoving my hands in my pockets.

He snorted, "Why are you sorry? You're not the one who left," he said, matter-of-factly.

"I'm sure he doesn't think of it that way," I mumbled.

"That's what it is," he said, letting out a long sigh, "Vincent is starting to ask about him."

"What do you tell him?" I asked, quietly.

"The same shit I tell myself. That he'll come home soon," he let out a hollow laugh and ran a hand through his hair.

"Jesus you're depressing," I joked, lightly shoving him.

He laughed, "Yeah I know."

When we finally reached my front door, I turned to him, "You can wait out here, I'll only be a minute."

He nodded and leaned up against the garage. I pulled open the front door and was greeted by Mom's smiling face.

"Hi Sebby, how was Sam's?" Robin beamed at me.

"Uh, good. I'm going to his soccer game this morning," I mumbled, making my way to the basement door.

"Oh that's great, sweetie," she said, softly. She was always so proud whenever I left the basement. I would be more offended if it weren't from a place of love.

"Oh and Mom? I'm taking the bike," I said, nervously. She was okay with me working on the bike, but wasn't thrilled about me riding it. Nonetheless, she usually let me get away with it as long as I promised to be safe

Her face turned sour for just a second before she masked it with a cheery smile, "Alright, dear. Promise to be safe?" She asked.

"Of course," I responded with a smile before turning my back and heading downstairs. I riffled through my dresser drawers until I found a fresh pair of jeans and a dark purple hoodie. It was better than black at least. I quickly changed and headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I stopped to look at my reflection and couldn't help notice the bedhead I was unfortunately sporting. I ran my fingers through my hair and tried to press down any cowlicks, to no avail.

I grabbed the motorcycle keys from under the Carpenter counter and headed out the front door.

Sam's head shot up from his phone as I walked closer. He quickly shoved it in his pocket and I opened the garage door.

"Whoa, this looks way better than the last time I'd seen it," he said, in awe. I couldn't help but think it was cute, how excited he got over seemingly small things.

I smiled, "Yeah I've been keeping it from everyone for a while."

I rifled through a box at the workbench and pulled out two helmets.

"Here," I said, extending one out to him, "it might ruin your hair though," I teased. He flipped me his middle finger before sliding the helmet on over his head.

I laughed and did the same, climbing on and patting the seat behind me, gesturing for him to sit.

"You sure you know what you're doing?" He asked, climbing on. I could feel his heartbeat through his shirt as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

I laughed, "Nervous?" I asked, kicking the stand up with my foot. I couldn't hear if he responded through the sound of the engine starting as I cranked the throttle. I felt his arms nervously tighten around me and my face started to burn.

I pulled out of the garage and made my way towards the highway. It was a short 20 minutes as I made my way through traffic easily enough. It was too loud for any form of conversation but I was burning from feeling his body so close to mine.

I pulled into the parking lot and cut the engine. He released his arms and slowly climbed off of the bike. I followed suit, while also taking off my helmet. I placed it on the seat of the bike and ran my hands through my hair to undo any helmet-hair. Sam did the same.

"So?" I asked, watching him intently.

"That was sick, dude. I can't believe you've been holding out on me," he said, excitedly.

"Sorry," I said with a smile.

"I'm almost late, I'll catch up with you later," he noted, as he started to jog towards the field.

"Sounds good!" I called after him. I started making my way towards the bleachers when I saw a flash of purple out of the corner of my eye.

"Abigail?" I whispered to myself, as my head whipped in her direction. Sure enough, there she was. Prancing along with some girl I'd never seen before. I watched her for a bit before following her to the stands.

I was confused as she took a seat near the home team before I realized why she was here. A boy with shaggy brown hair and defined muscles walked up to her and wrapped her in a hug before kissing her on the cheek.

"Fuck," I mumbled to myself. I kept walking until I was on the visitors side, keeping my head down. I climbed the metal staircase and took a seat at the top row. Not many people were on this side but I still wanted to be alone.

I glanced towards Abby, watching her and the girl I'd never seen while they gushed over her new boyfriend. No wonder she dumped me, I'm clearly not her type. I looked away and made eye contact with Sam out on the field. I shook my head and nodded toward the home side. He looked over and then back at me before taking out his phone. A minute later I heard a notification chime from him.

'Abby?' It read.

'You're playing against her boyfriend,' I responded.

I saw him look around for him before he made eye contact with Abby. She waved with a smile. He didn't return the greeting.

A few minutes later the game began. I watched for a bit as the players ran back and forth on the field, with no attempt from me to understand how the game worked. I couldn't get my mind off of Abby and her new boyfriend. Also, it was incredibly clear that she wasn't sick. So why was she missing band practice?

I hit a moment of weakness and decided to pull my phone out.

'Having fun at the game?' I typed.

I watched her, waiting for the message to be received. A few minutes passed before she looked down at her phone. I saw her eyebrows furrow in confusion before her head whipped up, in an effort to find me in the crowd. It wasn't hard, since I was the only one in all dark clothing as well as the only one sitting alone.

I watched her whisper something to the girl beside her before she stood up and started making her way towards me.

"Damn it," I mumbled, leaning my head back. I didn't want to face her, especially not now. Within minutes she was stomping up the metal stairs to meet me.

"What the hell?" She demanded, standing over me.

"What?" I asked, crossing my arms.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, taking a seat next to me. I slid away from her before continuing.

"Sam's playing," I noted, moving my eyes toward the field.

"I know. That's why I'm here," She said, her voice unsure.

"No it's not," I said matter-of-factly.

She was silent, waiting for me to continue.

"I saw your boyfriend," I finished.

"He's not.. I mean we're not.." she stuttered.

"Yeah he is," I said, keeping my eyes away from her, "I saw you two."

She let out a long sigh, "I'm sorry, Seb," she said, putting a hand on my knee. I moved my leg away, letting her hand drop.

"You're obviously not sick," I continued.

"Will doesn't think it's good for me to be in a band with my ex-boyfriend," she mumbled, looking at the ground.

"Will said that?" I snorted.

"He just wants what's best for me," she pleaded, sweetening her tone.

I laughed, "Yeah, keep telling yourself that, Abby," I said, brushing her off.

"I'm sorry," she said again, waiting for me to respond. When I didn't, she decided to press me about Sam.

"You've never shown any interest in Sam's games before," she said, crossing her arms.

"Okay?" I asked, confused.

"Is there something going on?" She asked, gesturing to him, then back at me.

I scoffed, "What the fuck do you mean, 'something going on'?" I asked, defensive.

"You know," she said, her tone softening. I knew I should've never told her.

"Don't concern yourself, okay," I said, shifting my weight away from her.

"Fine," she said, putting her hands up in defense before standing up and walking back to the home side.

I let out a long sigh and dug in my pocket for a cigarette.

"Shit," I whispered, realizing I left them at home. I noticed a concession stand and decided to settle for gum if they had any. I stood up and made my way down the stairs, glancing up at the scoreboard. It was almost halftime, thank god. I knew I'd volunteered to be here, but I was bored out of my mind. Sam looked good in his uniform, but that seemed to be the only benefit. Once I made it to the stand, I walked up to the cashier.

"I'll just take a pack of spearmint gum," I mumbled, taking out my wallet.

"Seventy-five cents," she responded, cheerily. I took out a wrinkled dollar and slid it across the counter as she turned her back to grab the gum. She took the dollar and handed back a quarter. I dropped it in the tip jar and grabbed my gum.

"Thanks," I said, turning my back. By the time I'd made it back to my seat, it was halftime. I kept my head in my phone, avoiding any chance of making eye contact with Abby.

'Is the scout from Zuzu State here?' I typed and sent to Sam.

'I think so' he responded a few minutes later.

I looked down at the field and made eye contact with him. He nodded his head toward a man wearing a grey suit, holding a clipboard. I nodded in response and quickly typed, 'Good luck' to Sam.

I unwrapped my gum and popped a piece into my mouth. While I was waiting for halftime to end I started to think about last night. Maybe it wasn't so crazy for him to be interested in guys, especially after what Abigail said. She didn't make it seem like a far-fetched idea for us to be together. The idea turned my face red.

For the rest of the game, I tried to pay attention to Sam, since I knew this was a big opportunity for him. I secretly hoped he'd get the scholarship so I'd have more of a reason to move to the city. Of course, I couldn't help but wonder why he'd want to be with me considering all the options he'd have at college. Either way, I wanted to support him.

Once the final whistle was blown, I waited for the stands to clear out. I saw the man in the grey suit walk over to Sam, clapping a hand on his back. I slowly made my way down the bleachers, keeping an eye on their conversation. I couldn't hear anything, but it seemed like it was going well.

I decided to wait for him at my motorcycle, since I knew he'd want to talk to his family first. I passed a garbage can and spit my gum into it. When I looked up, I saw Abigail holding hands with Will.

"Bitch," I mumbled, making my way out of the stadium.

Once I got to my bike I waited there for about 15 minutes before I saw Sam approaching with his family. He flashed me a thumbs up and started walking faster towards me.

"I fuckin' got it!" He exclaimed. I held out my hand as he slapped it with his own before wrapping me in a hug. I was taken aback as we usually weren't touchy with each other but I figured it was purely out of excitement.

"Hell yeah!" I yelled back, releasing the hug.

"You guys mind if I ride back with him?" Sam asked, turning towards his family.

"Of course, sweetie," Jodi responded, giving a smile, "Sebby, we're all going to the bar once we get back to celebrate, you're more than welcome to join us," she offered, locking eyes with me.

"Oh, great, thanks," I responded, smiling politely. As they walked toward their car Sam turned toward me,

"You don't have to come to that," he mumbled.

"No, I'm celebrating too," I lightly shoved him. He smiled and I could've sworn his face flashed pink.

"I'll have a friend in the City when I move," I trailed off, "I mean hopefully when I move," I finished, glancing back at the field.

"You should!" He exclaimed, "I wouldn't have anyone to fuck with if you didn't come," he said, laughing.

I cracked a smile and passed him a helmet. He slipped it on over his head and I did the same before jumping onto my bike. He climbed on behind me and wrapped his arms around my chest. My body tensed for a split second, then relaxed. It almost felt natural having him this close to me.

The drive back was quick after stopping for gas near the stadium. Once I pulled into the garage, Sam released his arms and took of his helmet. I did the same and we both climbed off the bike.

"Your hair's a little flat," I said, raising an eyebrow at him. He rolled his eyes,

"Fix it then," he said, holding the helmet in both hands. I hesitated for a second before reaching a hand out and running it through his hair. I could feel his eyes burning on my face.

"That's as good as I can do," I said, averting my eyes from his, "I'm gonna stop inside for a minute," I said, before turning to walk through the front door.

"Wait," he said, "I'll come with."

He followed as I opened the front door, expecting to see Mom. When she wasn't there I quickly turned and made my way down the basement stairs. I opened the door and Sam followed before taking a seat on my bed, setting his helmet down on the ground.

I set mine at my computer desk as I started rummaging through my things, trying to find my cigarette carton.

"What're you looking for?" He asked, mindlessly scrolling through his phone.

"Smokes," I mumbled.

"You gotta quit that shit dude, it's gross," he said before throwing a balled up t-shirt at my head.

I dodged it and grimaced at him, "It's not that easy, Sam," I said, finally pulling the carton out from under my keyboard. I tried my best to hide them from Mom.

"Ready to go?" I asked, starting to walk out of the room.

"No, wait, what happened with Abby?" He asked. I sighed and turned to face him.

"Well as you know, she's a bitch," I said, laughing.

"Yeah, yeah," he responded.

"Um, she's not in the band anymore," I said, leaning against my bedroom wall.

"What?" He exclaimed as his eyebrows shot up.

"Yeah, he new boyfriend, Will, doesn't think it's a good idea," I mumbled.

"Why is the band not a good idea?" He asked, spitting his words.

"Will doesn't think it's a good idea for her to be in a band with me," I clarified, crossing my arms.

"That's stupid," he said, his body tensing.

I shrugged my shoulders. I guess I could see where he was coming from, but that didn't make me any less angry. Plus it was so unlike Abby to listen to anything any man told her to do.

"Doesn't seem like her," Sam noted, nearly reading my mind.

"Whatever, you wanna go now?" I asked, trying to get out of the conversation.

"Sure," he mumbled, getting up and following me out of the house.

We spent the rest of the night at the bar, talking with his family about his future at Zuzu State. He seemed so excited and happy. But I couldn't help feel a pang of sadness at the idea of losing him if I couldn't move out there. We only had a few months left before he would leave. It made me realize that I needed to tell him how I felt, regardless of how he might respond.


	3. Ch. 3

That night I walked home alone after saying goodbye to Sam at the bar. He was beaming from ear to ear every time he told someone about his scholarship, and each person was more proud of him than the last. The whole town felt bad for him and Vincent since their dad left. This scholarship felt like a famiy victory, I just wish I was going with him.

Not only to be with Sam, but to get out of here. Abigail was the only person I thought really understood me, none of my hobbies were weird to her, my clothes didn't freak her out. I thought she'd be leaving with me. That was always our plan, at least. We'd stay up all night talking in the graveyard about how we'd make enough money for an apartment, how we'd sneak away on my motorcycle and never come back. But I guess that concept is dead.

I couldn't help but fill with rage whenever I thought of her now. She made me feel like everything I ever wanted was possible, then took it all away without even seeming hurt.

It was about 1am when I heard a knock at my bedroom door. I'd been laying awake, still wearing my jeans from earlier. I shifted my weight out of bed and walked towards the door. When I opened it, I was surprised to find Maru.

"Hey," I greeted her, confused. Maru had been my step-sister for about 10 years now. We didn't always get along but she always respected me, and I did the same for her. However, there was always a tension between us when it came to anything academically challenging. She was practically a genius and all her aspirations took a front seat while you'd have to blow the dust off of mine to even see them. Despite that, we were pretty close. She told me practically everything that happened in her life, and I did the same. Except for a few minor details.

"I figured you'd still be up," she noted, brushing past me to take a seat at my computer chair. I closed the door behind her and walked back to my bed. She swiveled the chair to face me as I sat cross-legged on top of my sheets.

"What's up?" I asked.

She took a deep sigh before speaking, "I know you resigned from Roseville."

My eyes widened, "How did you? Why would you?" I started stuttering while the idea of Mom and Demetrius finding out swirled through my head.

"I didn't tell anyone," she confirmed, and I let out a sigh of relief, "I just wanted to know why?" She asked.

I was silent for a while, keeping my eyes on the floor. It felt like I was getting lectured by Mom. I felt like I was disappointing her.

"I can't do it. I can't just stay here, I feel suffocated. This place is so," I motioned around the room, trying to find the words to describe how I felt.

"Dull," Maru finished for me.

"Yeah. Dull," I agreed, "I can't stand the people, I can't stand the atmosphere, I just can't be here anymore."

There was a long silence. I could hear squeaking coming from the swivel chair as she shifted in her seat. She'd already gone and graduated from Roseville, I didn't want her to think I wasn't proud, I was. It just wasn't right for me. She had a great job with Harvey, she liked what she did from what I could tell.

"It holds you back," she said, breaking the silence.

I let the words sink in.

"Yeah," I ran a hand through my hair, "it does."

We both sat in silence, unsure of what the other was thinking. I didn't expect her to understand what I was going through, not even in the slightest. She did everything by the book and seemed to like it that way.

"I don't know if I want to stay either," she said, leaning her elbow on my desk.

I scrunched my eyebrows together in confusion, "What?" I asked.

"I have so much potential. I don't get anything out of being here anymore. It used to be enough, it used to be all I'd ever wanted," she trailed off, blankly staring at the wall, "not anymore," she finished.

"What are you gonna do?" I asked.

"I don't know. I don't want to tell Dad. He put so much of his life on the back burner to be here for your Mom" she paused, "no offense," she said, her voice softening.

I didn't feel hurt by what she said. My Mom really did love it here. And Demetrius really loved her. He did whatever it took to be with her, even if it meant sacrificing his own happiness.

"Don't you think he'd be happy for you though? That you're living out the life he wanted, and the life that you want?" I asked.

She sighed, "I don't know. Probably. But I don't want to leave him here with nothing."

I stayed quiet, waiting for her to process her thoughts, but she quickly shifted our conversation to me.

"What are you going to do now?" She asked, her eyes finally meeting mine.

"I wanna move to the City, you know that. Everyone knows that," I chuckled.

She smiled, "Well yeah, but are you really gonna do it?" She asked, her voice lifting.

"I don't know, I made all those plans with Abby," I scoffed.

"Oh," she trailed off.

"But I have money saved. I have the will to go. And Sam got that scholarship, so I'll know somebody there at least," I said, picking up my mood.

"Well, I was thinking of something," she said, getting up from the chair and taking a seat on the bed next to me. She reached into her back pocket and pulled out an envelope. She opened it and took out the stack of dollar bills, ranging from twenties to one-hundreds.

"I closed my bank account last week. This is everything I had in it. Well past enough for an apartment," she said, spreading the money over my sheets.

My eyes stayed locked to the bed, watching her fingers move throughout the bills.

"Do you really want to leave?" She asked, nervously making her eyes meet mine.

"Are you being serious?" I asked in disbelief.

She smiled, "Why not?"

She gave me a list of things to do before the move and an estimated date of August 23rd. Today was June 6th. That gave us 78 days before we made our move. We decided against telling our parents just yet. Wanted to give them a few more weeks of blissful unawareness.

By the time she left my room and tiptoed back to her's, it was 2:48am. I was exhausted. I switched off the lights and climbed into bed. But as soon as I laid down, my eyes crept open. I couldn't sleep, couldn't even close my eyes, without thinking about August. Without thinking about Sam. Without thinking.

But I still hadn't figured out what I was going to do once I got to the City. I never thought I'd make it, I never thought I'd have a date do look forward to. I stared at my ceiling, the flicker from my desktop monitor pulsed a dull blue. Of course I could stick to programming. That's what I did now and I was good at it. But I'd never had any formal training. Of course I could make it work here, who else would know how to do that stuff? But Zuzu? A lot more competition.

The worry made my excitement slowly drift and with that, I could finally feel my eyelids get heavy.

I woke up the next morning reborn with motivation. I lazily opened my eyes and looked at the clock on my nightstand. It read 8am. Earlier than I'd gotten up in a long time.

There was something so freeing about waking up this morning, knowing there were only 77 more nights surrounded by these basement walls, in this stupidly small town.

I threw on an old t shirt and walked upstairs, into the kitchen to brew a cup of coffee. Unfortunately for me, Demetrius was already there.

"Whoa," he set his mug down and leaned back in his chair, "you're up early," he remarked, eyes wide.

"Yeah, uh, I have a lot of work to do today," I mumbled, pushing the kitchen chairs out of my way as I walked toward the counter.

"Good for you, kid," he remarked, bringing his mug to his lips before blowing away the steam.

I remained silent, opening the lid of the coffee maker to dispose of the previous grounds. Demetrius flapped open the newspaper and dug his head into it. I filled the machine with water and dumped in fresh grounds, before hitting the start button, listening to it hiss. I jumped up to take a seat on the counter while I waited for it to brew, leaning my head back to rest on the cupboards behind me as Demetrius cleared his throat.

"So, kid, what are your plans for fall?" He asked, keeping his eyes on the paper. I snapped my head forward, jolted by the question.

"The fall?" I asked, my brain skipping over what he meant.

"Still going to Roseville?" He asked, his eyes darting up from behind the paper.

"Oh, uh, yeah," I lied.

"Good. Education is so important," he noted, bringing his eyes back to the paper. I hummed in agreement.

My eyes fixated on the carafe, as the coffee began dripping into it. Demetrius remained silent for the remainder of my time in the kitchen. Once it was done brewing, I leapt off the counter and poured it into the mug I'd set out earlier.

"See ya," I mumbled before heading down the hall, down the stairs, and into my bedroom.

I set the cup on my desk and powered up my desktop. I surveyed my emails and started responding to a web design job submitted about a week ago. I'd been putting it off due to pure apathy but now that I was reignited with purpose, I hastily got to work. About 3 hours later, I heard a knock on my bedroom door. I slid off my headphones and slowly got up from my seat, legs partially numb from how I'd been sitting. I opened the door to find Sam.

"Hey, I-" I cut him off.

"Sam, holy fuck you're not going to believe what I have to tell you," I said, eyes lighting up as I shoved him out of the doorway to close it. He stumbled forward and smiled,

"What?" He asked, digging a hand into his pocket.

"Maru and I are fucking moving," I said, clutching both of his arms.

"What do you mean?" He asked, eyebrows furrowed.

"To the city. We're fucking going," I said, releasing him and walking to my bed. I lifted up the mattress and pulled out the envelope Maru had left their earlier.

"Come here," I waved him over, patting the space next to me. He dropped his backpack and cautiously walked over. I unloaded the money onto my bed, keeping my eyes glued to it.

"That's it," I said, "that's my ticket out."

He was silent, running his fingers over the money. I took a seat next to him and clapped a hand onto his leg,

"Say something," I begged, eyes wide.

"I- I can't believe it," he murmured, eyes meeting mine.

"Me either," I said, hand still on his leg. He glanced down at it and slightly shifted his weight towards me.

"Uh, when are you leaving?" He asked, voice shaky.

"End of August," I said, keeping my hand still.

"That's so soon," he said, letting his eyes drop to the floor.

"That's when you're going, though, right?" I asked, confused.

"Uh, yeah, I guess it is," he said with a chuckle.

I let go of his leg and leaned back, falling onto my mattress,

"I'm so close to getting out of here," I whispered. He fell back next to me and sighed.

"Yeah," he mumbled. I turned my head to face him,

"What?" I asked, noting his less-than-thrilled tone.

"I don't know," he said, turning to meet me, "you're not scared?"

I sighed, "No, I don't think so. Why are you?"

"Yeah," he said, breathless, his pitch lifting, "fucking terrified," he whispered.

I tilted my head to look at the ceiling when I felt his fingers graze mine. My breath caught in my throat. We stayed still for what seemed like hours before I slowly placed my hand into his. He was still at first, unresponsive. Then, closed his fingers around mine.

I don't know how long we stayed that way, silent. Felt like forever, yet not long enough. After a while, Sam sat up, folding his legs up against his chest.

"Hey Sebastian?" He asked, barely audible.

"Yeah?" I asked, staring at the ceiling.

"I'm glad you're my best friend."


End file.
